*****NIGHT OF THE LIVING BRIDES*****
You wanna see something even more frightening then Dawn of the Dead? Then go hit your local Bridesmart or Davis Bridal. That's some creepy and dangerous sh*t. Let me begin my tale for those who have yet to experience the wonderful world of brides...
They're insane. Every last one of them. Nutz... and I don't use `z' at the end of words very often.
I stopped up on Sunday to see Kris at Bridesmart. I came in five minutes till she was supposed to be clocking out. That's when the chaos began... Brides were tearing at dresses, running amuck, screaming and yelling and pulling hair and all of them had a horrid look as though they were out of their heads with rage (Also see 28 Days Later). I truly thought one of them might attack if I got to close. The employee's locked the door to the store exactly at 5 o'clock seeing as there were approaching hordes that looked hungry for veils, head pieces and off white wedding dresses. Then, as if it wasn't creepy enough, I start to hear the pounding...
I look out through the windows and see, I'm not exaggerating now, no less then 10 angry brides pounding on the doors of the store to get in. I was half tempted to turn on the radio or the TV to see if any radiation had leaked and caused people to go mad or if there were reports of people mutilating other people. It was a very tense moment for me. As the brides that remained in the store were finally paid out, we had to push them through the door and scream at the ever growing horde of zombies, I mean eager young brides, that the store was closed and to kindly get the hell away from the door. This did not stop them.
I became intrigued on what Monday was supposed to be... a holiday? National Wedding Day? Why were the brides acting so... so... freaky?
We turned off the lights, still the brides were pounding on the doors of the store trying to get in. As we all snuck out the back door I was almost half panicked. We ran to our cars, unlocked the doors, jumped in and promply locked ourselves in, hopefully securing our escape. Kris then turns to me and says...
"Oh, this was a slow day..."
I get chills just thinking about it. And Kris is going to be a part of the many hordes, I just know it. Hza, The General, Dames.... I think they know what I'm talking about.
More to come...
Friday, March 26, 2004
*****NO SLEEP MAKES FOR AN UPSET MAN*****
Between the children on the third floor jumping from their couch to the floor until 3AM, plus fighting with Kris over... well hell, take your pick of a subject, plus my wonderful allergies... I slept for a total of 3 hours last night.
So, needless to say I'm not in the best of spirits. I wanted to plow over the guy in the BMW that was ahead of me who backed up traffic by driving 50 in a 65.
It's incredibly difficult to even create a complete thought.
I feel a strong need to visit Waco and sleep in a hotel for a night or two. That's not a bad idea...
Alright, here's something good and cute...
I actually first read about that at forteantimes.com, is that weird?
More to come...
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
*****ALLERGIES DO SUCKETH*****
My allergies are hitting me harder this year compared to years back. I don't know if it's because I'm getting along in years or if it's possibly all the cedar and oak tree's that we neglected to notice when we signed our lease, or the introduction of a cat to our apartment. But from the time I get up to the time I go to bed my eyes are red and puffy and my nose feels like it's going to crack off my face.
To check out how miserable any of you with allergies will be within the following days I recommend checking out this site: www.pollen.com
Oh yeah... The most annoying people in the world!
Really, these people have to much time on their hands to bitch about things like this.
Blurg...
Saturday, March 20, 2004
****AM I THE LONE NUT?*****
Last night I finally got to see Dawn of the Dead and on this journey I was accompanied by my little brother, Chris, his girlfriend Tracy, my girlfriend Kris as well as one of my very close friends Toungate.
This movie, from the get-go, was intense. Fast paced, heart thumpin', gore-a-thon! I think that movie slowed down for a total of like 5 minutes while the few survivors tried on lingerie and drank espresso's. Definately a much different movie then the 1978-79 classic by George Romero, in the fact that they almost completely removed the whole consumerism underpoint, by letting the zombie's walk around aimlessly in the mall as though it were Christmas at Lakeline Mall. In the updated version however, the zombie's didn't get to walk through the mall casually dining on any human victims. They were building up outside... Not just a few, but like a couple thousand of 'em.
You should all see this and then you'll know why I love horror movies (especially the zombie kind). Because that's what this was. A good, no holds barred, quick, fast paced, plain ole good horror flick.
Unfortunately, Chris, Toungate, and Tracy seemed to walk out of the theater non-chalantly. Tracy thought it was stupid, Chris thought it was okay, and Toungate said that this one redeems itself from the original which I forced him and Ma Sligar to watch.
So, I guess Kris and I are the lone nuts. Because this movie creeped me out.
To break it down, here are some of the good and bad points of the film:
The Good:
1.) It started off fast, no build up... cause c'mon, if you've seen any of the trailers then you already know what's up...
2.) The zombie's freaked me out. They were fast, they were oogly, and they were creepy. It was like 28 Days Later on crack rocks.
3.) The chess scene using a dry erase board. Brilliant.
4.) The shooting galley where one building would think of an actor, and the sniper across the way would have to try and find the actor they were talking about and pop him in the head from a couple of blocks away. Brilliant.
I could go on and on and on... but I'll move on to my few questionable scenes in the movie..
The Bad:
1.) Hey, I ain't gonna lie... I don't like that the zombie's move fast. I prefer the slow, stumbling one's. That way, if this ever happens, I can push 'em over when I run by their slow ass. And with me being a smoker, these new zombie's would have my ass in a sling. Quickly.
2.) Okay... being a huge zombie buff, I've seen in many a film, if someone dies (a major character, not a zombie) regardless if they've been bit or not, whatever is making the dead rise will also effect them. In this case, if you were shot... even in the chest. You were dead. No coming back to try and get some human butt.
3.) If you go and check out this flick, then stay for the credits because it gets even creepier. While floating around on a boat they discover a little row boat of sorts. They open a styrofoam cooler and find a zombie head, severed of course. That's still alive. Once again, this goes back to my huge appreciation of zombie movies (if you want to call it that). If you bash them, burn them, shoot them in the head.. OR decapitate them then you kill the zombie. I guess it wasn't so in this case. Still pretty creepy though.
The Ugly:
As if this entire movie wasn't disturbing and ugly... they did what Kris and I feared they would do. They introduced a baby zombie. If anyone remembers Babbit (or otherwise known as NasTV) then this is what the zombie baby looked like. I thought Mikhai Phipher would've made an excellent father to the zombie kid.
More to come... after I board up the front door.
Friday, March 19, 2004
*****MY DAY HAS FINALLY COME....******
Yes, as I've stated before, I am a sad, sad little man. Dawn of the Dead comes out today, and of course, I bought advanced tickets.
Now, I've read up on some of the reviews... Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 67% fresh, CNN gave it okay reviews, but here's something that boggles the mind. They keep saying that it pales in comparison to the original. Well, of course it does! How many remakes do you know of that surpass the original? Probably not many.
I'm sure I'll let everyone know how it turns out.
More to come...
Thursday, March 18, 2004
****SHAMROCKED THE HOUSE****
For good ole' St. Patrick's Day Kris, Chris, Tracy, Kim and I hit Bennigans for some good ole Irish cuisine.
No. Not really. That's a lie. We did go to Bennigans but I had the seafood platter. Not exactly Irish, but it was still very damn good. Salmon, crab cakes, shrimp and scantily clad women made for an evening of great fun.
Except that Kris had to collect all the plastic pint cups to bring home. Why? Man, I can't even begin to explain.
The shirts we bought were pretty cool though. On the front, of course, it has the label of Bennigans.. but on the back, it says, "Keep Austin Irish and Weird".
I thought that was a nice touch.
Okay, I'm not gay or anything, but this could possibly be the most redneck county in the U.S. <
I bet they don't take kindly to strangers visitin' their outhouse's neither....
More to come....
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
***WHOOPS... MY BAD***
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone. Wear green and drink beer.
********OH BOY WHAT A SAD LIFE I LEAD********
WOW! Yes, I'll admit it. I lead a sad, sad life. Regardless if you want to know why or not, I'm going to tell you. Because for the last six months I've been happily anticipating this Friday's premiere of Dawn of the Dead! Yes, that remake from the George Romero's 1970 zombie classic about consumerism. If you've never seen it, well, chances are that most of you who read this, will probably not like the 3 hour original (ask Ma Sligar, she still curses my name under her breath to this day). Even though it's brimming with powerful messages such as:
1.) The people that go shopping in malls during the Christmas season really do kind of resemble zombies.
2.) If the world is plagued by zombies, the best place to hide is the mall... because you have free access to Abercrombie and Fitch and you will never have to wait in line at the food court.
3.) You can make all kinds of neat weapons from the Craftsman section of Sears and Wicks `N' Sticks.
4.) You can walk in groups of four or more and since the security people are probably already turned into zombies, they can't really do much about that whole "four or more people equals a gang" rule.
I have already purchased advanced tickets, that's how sad and pathetic my life is. But have you seen the trailer's to this thing?! They run.. they don't stumble blindly, they tear ass and can catch you! And from the other clips I've seen... rednecks with propane tank bombs, a kid zombie that jumps up from the floor like a damn breakdancer... it's gonna be weird.
However, the Onion had their own take on the differences between the 1970 classic and this new updated one..
Check it out here...
More to come....
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
****THE DESK OF DEATH*****
As I tired of sitting on the floor, abusing my back and my knees while working on the computer, I decided to buy a desk and a chair to alleviate the problem. Unfortunately, it took us over three hours to put everything together. That desk was not as simple to piece together as it appeared. I don't know which was worse, sitting on the floor with an aching back or breaking my fingers with the hammer while trying to pound the screws in. Yes, I know. Hammering screws in.
Unfortunately, the kit that came with the desk didn't really emphasize what screws went where, so it was a hit or miss situation all the way. We eventually finished and the desk is sturdy along with our new chair. Hopefully.
More to come....
Friday, March 12, 2004
*****THIS WEEKENDS MOST EXCITING PLANS******
This weekends most exciting plans will be:
1.) Sleeping... Lots and lots of sleeping...
2.) Ordering Roadrunner... cause it's about damn time.
3.) Eating frozen pizza's... probably around three.
4.) Sweeping the cigarette buttes that didn't make it into the ashtray from my balcony.
5.) And avoiding wasps. No, not the white anglo-saxon protestants... but real, live wasps. Really big, real, live wasps that I should have called the maintenance people to get rid of, but was so busy today that it slipped my mind.
More to come....
Thursday, March 11, 2004
***THE LOVE BOAT... SOMETHING EXCITING AND NEW...****
Last night Kris and I visited Koreana. Mind you, when I worked at United Heritage for about a year, I always drove by this place, it smelled awesome, however I never stopped to check it out. I thought it kinda looked hokey from the outside, fearing that it could possibly by kinda hazardous to my precarious intestines on the inside.
Boy was I wrong!
From start to finish that place is great! Kris and I ordered the "Love Boat" which consisted of somewhere around 16 different pieces of sushi and sashimi and what's more! It actually came out on a little wooden boat! So, as Kris and I picked off the little sailors, our mouths soon caught fire. Unfortunately, they layered the wasabi on kinda thick and hid it as well. Not knowing this, we had put a thin layer of wasabi on top of them as well. So, we got double the fire.
Regardless, that was really good food. I'm not to big on seaweed though. It has a great taste going down, but a really funky aftertaste.
The atmosphere in the place was really nice too, except for the Muzak rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Superstitious" that was playing in the background. For some reason, it kind of took away from the whole romantic atmosphere of the location.
More to come...
Monday, March 08, 2004
****RUN FOR TEXAS GUB'NA 2006*****
I know who I'm voting for....
Too bad there's not a snow ball's chance in hell of someone like that actually taking over office here in Texas and setting some stuff straight. Ah well. At least someone else will be taking over as president soon enough.. Right? Or maybe Bush will make a new amendment to make himself the king and dictator of the U.S.
Hell, I could really see that happening with that weirdo.
More to come unless the Secret Service comes along and takes me off for making fun of our whack job of a president...
Thursday, March 04, 2004
*****BIG WEEK FOR ALMOST EVERYONE!*****
Well, the entire week has been a big one for quite a few people! Let's start with congratulations to Hai for getting married in the comedy of errors and Mike for dancing with a real, live girl! And congratulations to me for finally paying off VISA!
The wedding was chocked full of:
* Tux's that didn't fit!
*Someone attempting to put the cufflinks on as buttons!
*Lots of drinking (and not by me, believe it or not!)
*Bridesmaid's decorating the wrong car!
*Two chumps in t-shirts, sandals and shorts wearing trucker caps!
*The Poyfather bodying checking yours truly during the garter tossing! (which, in retrospect, was probably a good thing because Kris would have killed me if I had to put the garter on Hai's cousin's thigh!)
*And for the Wallychamp bolting at the end of the ceremony!
A good time was had by all, and the next one on the chopping block...
ME!!!
On a completely unrelated note... 15 more days until Dawn of the Dead!
Uh oh... more to come...
