Tuesday, June 17, 2003
****THIRD ANNUAL FEEL MY WRATH JULY 4TH HOLIDAY IN THE PARK!!!****
Due to the large attendance at last year's FEEL MY WRATH JULY 4TH HOLIDAY IN THE PARK fireworks celebration, we will once again be inviting everyone out to Rattan Creek to enjoy the festivities...
This year's extravaganza will not differ much from last year's agenda, so bring the kids and the blow up pine apple cooler and enjoy these wonderful sights!:
1.) Drunk rednecks in wife beaters drinking 6 gallons of beer, then pissing in the pool, or wretching behind a tree!
2.) Watch as more drunk rednecks set fire to themselves and scream in pain until they are hoarse, "See? It doesn't hurt all that bad!!!"
3.) Watch as more drunk rednecks stand over mortar canon's and look dumb-founded as it blows up in there face!
4.) See Williamson County ambulances hauling burn victims or amputee's that held firecrackers in their fists away!
5.) Enjoy the sights of Williamson County Sheriff's Dept. haul drunks away while breaking up redneck brawl's just like the Hatfield's and the McCoy's!
6.) Listening to a collage of American masterpieces such as the 1812 Overture, Ace of Base, and Metallica "Master of Puppets" !!
The list of items to bring does not vary much from last year, so be prepared to bring such items as:
Lawn Chairs
Beer
More meat (yes, after last year's debacle with the meat, I will be bringing some, though just hamburgers and hotdogs, if you want a T-bone, bring it your damn self)
fire extinguishers
sun block
and wife beater tank tops... (so to be sure that we do not disturb the red neck in his normal environment)
Once again, please wear comfortable shoes just in case the park turns into one of America's leading wilderness fires....
If any of you people have any other ideas on what we could do, please email me, because this is all I have planned thus far.
More to come....
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
**********I'M UP IN MARYLAND!!!*************
And I'm diggin' it. It hasn't gotten past 75 degree's up here since we arrived.
The adventure started Friday night around 11:30 when the downstair's neighbor's started to beat the hell out of each other. It started off with the usual ghetto sounds of a couple fighting but ended up where you could hear the boyfriend beating the ever living hell out of his girlfriend in which case I called the cops (apparently along with four other people) so by the time I crawled back into bed I could hear the cops arresting this guy and the ambulance pulling up right behind them. She kept screaming for them not to take her boyfriend to jail. I don't get it... He beat's the hell out of her, and she doesn't want him taken away. Insanity I'm telling you.
Finally passed out at a quarter to two in the morning. Had to wake up at 4:30. Stumbled/walked downstairs and got in the car as we were being pursued by a drunken/cracked out guy who kept asking us for a lighter. We drove away quickly and onto more fruitful things. Like McDonald's egg and bacon mcmuffin's... mmmm...
Now, I haven't been on a plane right in some 17 years... so I've always heard everyone talking about their plane ride. Ugh. Plane's scare me. The way they don't seem to know how they're flying the damn plane and how the plane looks like it's being held together with duct tape and bubble gum. Kinda unsettling.
Anyway, the last plane we took from Detroit to Salisbury was bumpy as hell and I actually thought I was going to lose my McMuffin on the plane. And when it came to the landing, it was like the hand of God just picked up the plane and threw it down as hard as he could on the runway. I came damn close to kissing the ground when we got off.
I'll continue my tale of adventure and beach/boardwalk sightings when I get back to Austin.... Man, I really don't want to come back to Austin.
Current temperature up here... 63 degree's...
More to come....
