****IMAGINE THAT! BEER GOGGLES MAKE THE OPPOSITE SEX MORE ATTRACTIVE!!****
I thought this article was midly amusing.
Well, duh! How do you think I meet the women that I do??
That should go without question!
IN OTHER NEWS: Decided I needed a small jaunt out of town last night so I headed to Turkey Bend Recreational Park to see if I could catch the tail end of the comet. Couldn't see it for crap because of the moon being 3/4 waxing. It was still pretty nice out there, but given enough horror movies your mind starts to wander and you start seeing stuff move around. Most of them were bunnies... yes, I know, Thumper was freakin' me out. Then those savage deer with those big brown eyes started giving me the heebie jeebies. So I got back into my truck after deciding that it was late and I needed to get some sleep, put the ol' truck in reverse to get a clear shot out of there, put her in first, hit the gas... and nothing. Of course I start to panic. That's my nature. I start revving the engine, hoping that it doesn't explode, which, in the case of my truck, is very likely to happen at any given moment. "Oh crap," I think to myself, "I've got stuck in mud!". Which is extremely bad, because, if anyone has been out to Turkey Bend with me knows that it's about 35 miles outside of Austin in the middle of nowhere.
Does anyone know what I forgot to do?
Yep. I still had the emergency brake on.
CURRENT TEMPERATURE: A whole lot of nasty.
More to come...
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
******AND THE MIGHTY SHAWN DID STRIKE OUT.....********
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It has finally happened. My long standing career at Victoria's Secret has finally reached it's end. The manager finally found a way to get rid of me, legally, and let me leave on "good terms" with the company, stating that they wanted me to come back during the holiday season. No more T-backs... no more thongs... no more bras...
Well, at least until I start working at Fredrick's of Hollywood! That's right! I'm goin' from classy to trashy! I figure it hits the middle ground between Spencer's Gifts and Victoria's Secret. Fun and kinky all at the same time! Now all I gotta do is find a chick to get this stuff for so she can model it for me! Hmmmm.... Nah, man, I'm serious!
IN OTHER NEWS: I started a new temp position today with Chicago Title and Mortgage... It's located right smack dab in the middle of 360. Nice location, except for all the hills and my truck having absolutely no power whatsoever. That and the computers they use here resemble the computers of the early 80's. Check it out, they even use that micro film machine to do their research! Wow... I thought those things were extinct. I was surprised to learn that they actually had access to the internet. I could easily be a technological giant to these people! It's like I've already touched the monolith while they're still picking fleas out of their hair. Other then that it pretty much sucks, but it does pass the time and puts a little more scratch in my wallet. Don't get me wrong, I'm still looking for permanent employment, but until then....
CURRENT TEMPERATURE: It's hot. But I still have A/C so I don't care. Except when I go out to smoke cigarettes I get bitten by hordes of mosquitoes.
More to come...
Friday, August 16, 2002
********THE SEARCH CONTINUES!!**********
Damn, job hunting in Austin sucks. You have to compete with at least 400 other applicants to just flip burgers at the Mickey D's right down the street! It's horrible out there! And if that's not bad enough... Started a new job today under the impression that it was going to at least last awhile, possibly become a permanent position. Hell no, what was I thinking?... it's a one day assignment. Gives me just enough scratch to be on the tail end of pathetically broke and destitute. At least they provide free cokes and hot wings and a free happy hour at the end of the day.
But you have to love the simplicity of it all. I mean, where else in the world can you live where there's over 3000 job postings and no one calls you back for an interview because there's so many damn applicants? And all you can do is keep on sending them in, knowing that it's a pointless undertaking, but also realizing that if you don't, there's absolutely no way that you'll be employed again?
It's a royal pain in the ass.
In other news: Stepped out with my friend Becky last night to play porno photo hunt at our local bar where we stopped for a drink and told our tales of sorrow and glory throughout the month of July and the beginning of August. I gotta say though, I beat her at the contest of who's life stinks more, and also beat her at finding the most differences between the two photos of naked women!
In still other news: I'll be unemployed! My A/C's been repaired! I no longer have to sit in traffic in a puddle of my own sweat! Of course, the truck has lost what little power it had to accelerate, but hey! I don't care if I have to drive 13MPH on MoPac, as long as I've got my A/C going, the world can be damned.
Current temperature: I dunno, yesterday wasn't all that bad... in fact, yesterday evening actually felt pretty nice. I think the world may be on the brink of ending.
More to come...
Sunday, August 04, 2002
******SIGNS!!!********
Went and caught the new flick Signs with my family this weekend. I liked it. Started off slow as hell, but definately picked up the last hour. The ending kinda' sucked... I mean, what aliens are going to leave the planet after they already started to invade it. But okay, it was a movie... That's the mind set that you have to have when you see this movie. Other then that, I thought it was a pretty decent flick. Somehow Mel Gibson as a reverend was kinda stiff acting, but it was still pretty decent.
What else did I do this weekend? Nothing. Not a single damn thing. Well... wait a sec.. I went to a party on Saturday night.... more of a guilt by association type of party, but it wasn't all that bad. I at least learned to play dominoes.
Friday night was... different. I would go more into it, but it would cause my ulcer to start acting up, and I don't feel like it at this time. I start work on Tuesday so I figured I would get one more night of partying in. I'm so happy I got employed, I can't stand being unemployed for more then a few days.
Current temperature: Not all that bad. Except for the West Nile Virus running mosquitoes...
Yep yep. More to come...
Friday, August 02, 2002
*******PORNOGRAPHY AND COWS********
I was talking to Bear today and he mentioned that someone at his work got fired for having some email joke that included cows and pornography... That leaves me wondering, what in the hell did this "joke" contain exactly that would cause someone to get fired? I mean, c'mon... cows and pornography? That's a joke in and of itself! Ah well....
Speaking of jobs... Looks like I have a few that have been offered to me. Regardless of which one I choose, I will be back on the workforce by Tuesday. Things are finally looking up! One job that I was offered, and if all else should happen to fail, is customer service. I really don't like customer service, but hell, if it pays the bills and all....
So I go to take a urine test today, and I'm flirting with one of the girls in there (yeah, that's me... gotta flirt when and wherever I can!) and the office manager (I guess that's the polite term used for piss handler) starts talking to me and then to some other guy on the phone. I'm thinking nothing of it until he tells the guy on the other line to "Hang on for a sec..." and then slams the phone down and repeatedly explains to me how much he hates tele marketers...
That was what the girl I was flirting with was taking the urine test for.
I thought it was funny.
Current temperature: Disgusting. I can't drive more then two blocks without sweating my balls off.
More to come...
