**************UPDATE!!!!********************
In case you missed the earlier posting on PGBCO, I will be unavailable tonight starting at 8PM. That is all... but there's more to come...
************I AM NOT DEAD!!*******************
As I'm sitting in my bosses office appearing to work on the network and listening to the receptionist at the front desk ask me redundant questions on how to reboot her computer, it came to my attention while reading through the posts on PGBCO that it was in doubt as to whether I had lost my job or been killed in some freak accident, since I have not had the time to post anything. No, I am not dead. Nor am I unemployed. Yes, believe it or not, I'm actually working in two offices doing four different jobs while only getting paid for one. I'm pissed, but I ain't dead.
Anyway, someone please take the time to wake me up tomorrow morning for T&A's big move to Austin...
More to come...
Friday, May 24, 2002
*********MISSION IMPOSSIBLE? HELP ME FIND A WOMAN!************
Alright, that does it. I guess it's time that I get married. You have no idea how old and pathetic I feel when all my friends are sitting around the table at the bar with their wives or serious significant others... some with kids... some without, but are talking about having them. Okay, I'm 24 years old and 8 out of 10 of my friends might as well be married. Where does that leave me? Sitting around with the other single guys, like myself, like bad produce that somebody returned to HEB.
Okay, I admit, some of the people that are still single have some.... issues. What kind of issues you might ask? Well.... we have some psycho's left on the shelves out there, the obsessive, stalker types... then, in isle number three, we have those that have some physical abnormality such as obesity or a second, evil head, which would actually be alright, but they feel that they must compensate for that evil head and fill a room with enough bullshit that you have trouble wading through to find the exit.
Oh! And that special on cool, cute chicks has sold out! Why? Cause all the other psycho's and abusive types have already got ahold of them, married them, and proceeded to procreate!
Us, poor pathetic few that are still single with no match of our own... we gotta get more balls on the scene if we're gonna make things happen!
More to come...
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
******HOLY SHIT! THE DEVIL'S IN NEW YORK!! ... AGAIN!!******
David Blaine, the devil himself, is back again in New York. As masses head to the pillar of doom to await his summoning of Balrog the Big Cool-looking Fire Demon, Blaine has given his worshippers something to watch in the mean time. He will stand atop a 80 foot pillar with a width of 22 inches for a total of 35 hours. After that time he will grow his black wings back and fly off to scare the living hell out of all religions and those with outstanding warrants. Read the article!
http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/22/television.blaine.reut/index.html
Also, in further updates, I have tried Cynthia (Redding) Phillip's famous Dorito Pie. Very cheesy and very spicy. I never knew there was such a thing as Dorito Pie... God help me, I'm getting fat. Today I weighed in at a total of 148 lbs. More to come....
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
********ATTENTION: A NEW POST****************
Due to a large increase in demand for new postings on this website, I have decided to rant a little on these stupid temp jobs I keep getting. By this time, most of you know that I've worked at 32 different locations in and around Austin ranging from a porn shack to a law firm. And most of the jobs in between (including this one) are through temporary agencies. Now, let me say that temp agencies are not always a bad thing. They can help you get your foot in the door, show the staff what you have to offer (which in my case was running the whole damn office almost single handedly!) and they can make a decision based from there... unfortunately, in most of my cases, I keep getting strung along until they've exhausted the workload present for me, then bump me off into unemployment land. There's something great to say about being unemployed... you get to sleep in, re-evaluate your life, check in on people you haven't seen in quite some time (well, you DO have all the time in the world).
So Mike, if you happen to be reading this... stay away from those damn temp agencies...
more to come... and next time it'll make sense!
Thursday, May 16, 2002
*****SITTING HERE AT WORK WITH NOTHING TO SAY OR DO******
Man I'm bored.
Most of my day was spent attempting to repair the portable shredder that everyone here at work thought was so cool! Of course they give me a War And Peace sized manual to shred and of course it has to jam up. And of course, without fail! I'm the only one in the office that has any kind of mechanical inclination (which is pretty scary), so, now that I'm covered in grease from removing and disassembling the shredding unit, I've made it a point to go around and shake everyones hand, letting them know that I fixed it (and inadvertantly leaving what looks like a ton of ear wax on their hand)... after it almost ate my damn fingers because me, being the brilliant person that I am, left the damn thing plugged in and as it was resting in my lap, managed to turn on while my fingers were but a hair breath's away from the teeth. Have no fear though, I repaired it. So don't cry or anything.
The rest of the day was spent in an awful attempt to get the boss to send me on any errands or go to any meetings... just to get me out of the office so I wouldn't have to sit on my ass and read CNN while trying to look busy. Which is what I ended up doing anyway. But hey, they're happy with my work... Go figure.
Oh yeah, it got hot again in case nobody noticed. And you know what that means, right? ROAD RAGE. CAUSE I HATE THE DAMN HEAT. AND PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, THEY JUST SIT THERE ON MOPAC LOOKING AHEAD LIKE THEY'RE IN SOME SORT OF TRANCE! How do these people get their driver's license? TELL ME.
More to come... eventually...
Tuesday, May 14, 2002
*****THANK GOD IT'S COOL OUT THERE!!!******
As Austin has grown, so has the amount of time it takes to get home from work.. oh, I remember when I used to work at Unisys (Job #14), and left work at 5:00. It took me all of 20 minutes to get home from work. Now Unisys was located right off of Ben White and Lamar. I live off of Parmer Lane in Northwest Austin, so needless to say, it's a pretty lengthy drive. However, in rush hour traffic, 20 minutes wasn't at all that bad! Considering, even today, that if you drive that length at 2:00 in the morning, it would still take you at least 15 minutes to get home with only the drunks and cops to avoid.
Today, I'm working on 13th Street, and it takes me almost a full hour to get home leaving five minutes before the 5:00 rush hour starts. So, as I'm sitting there, alone in my truck, feeling the hot winds of hell blowing in my face from the oscillating fan I've referred to before,I have time to ponder things that I want out of life...
Say, a new car. One with dash board lights so you could see how fast you were driving at night... or windshield wipers that were attached to the stick on the steering column like they're supposed to be.... or maybe a digital radio, maybe even one that showed the time! Yeah, that's the ticket! Maybe even an antenna... so I could actually listen to the radio without it being interrupted every time I pass a friggin' Wal-Mart or HEB rig... and the one thing that makes me a evil, bad, dirty man... AIR CONDITIIONING! CAUSE GUESS WHAT?? EVEN WITH THE NICE WEATHER IT'S STILL HOT AS BALLS IN MY TRUCK!!!
Fine, there's my rant for today. Can you tell the heat makes me a bit high strung?
Gotta get back to work so maybe I can afford some of those high falootin' luxuries of life....
Most to come...
Thursday, May 09, 2002
***ATTACK OF THE CLONES AND THOSE WACKY THEATRE CAMPERS!!***
Okay, I'm as excited as the next guy to go and see Episode II: Attack of the Clones, but c'mon! Remember with Episode I how the news covered all those yahoos out there camping, waiting endless weeks while sleeping on concrete in 110 degree heat, never bathing and pissing in milk cartons so they wouldn't lose their place in line? What was the end result of all that nonsense? They were able to buy their tickets first thing in the morning and beat the rest of us to the punch, so that we all had to watch it in the afternoon instead of 9:00 AM! (I wonder where those people work to have that much time off? And are they hiring?)
And on the first day no less! I think the people I went with waited in line for about an hour or so to purchase the tickets and see the movie, and we did this on the first day it came out. It's pointless to wait that long, there are plenty of other things I'd rather do with my time off then sit outside a theatre in the wonderful Texas heat, sleep on hot concrete, and listen to the casual comments that observers tend to make while waiting in line to purchase their tickets, such as "Oh my God, look at those losers over there," "Look one of them is sitting on a Darth Maul blow up chair! Let's puncture it!" and "They reek of urine".
Most theatre's now show blockbuster movies on at least 4 screens, and with Episode II, I doubt it will be any different, possibly more screens. My point of this rant? Don't reek of urine. Go home and take a bath, you can still see the movie on the first day.
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
***********WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!******************
There's a newly discovered agent that causes cancer... something that we're all guilty of. Bread and french fries. Not to mention beer, liquor, cigarettes, oxygen, water, trees, grass, pesticides, fish, chicken, lettuce, bratwurst and other smoked sausages, cheese, crackers (especially Ritz), steaks, ribs, t-bones, sushi, pizza, eggs, egg whites, pickles, tomatoes, pigeons, exhaust fumes, radio's and CD players, digital cameras, camera flashes, video tapes, VCR's, DVD's, the sun, the moon, Hale-Bopp, Venus, Hansen and other bad music, and that weird guy in the office next door who grunts when he tries to get ouf of his pleather seat have all been determined to cause lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema and may complicate pregnancy. So, basically, we're all gonna die!
The things you can eat:
broccoli (steamed and then drink the juice)
cauliflower and...
carrots! But be careful, to much can cause you to go blind, kind of like something else we've all heard about...
Just thought you all would like to know... because I care...
More to come...
Monday, May 06, 2002
Nothing completely interesting to report. Went to see Spiderman with the PGBCO crew, which by the way, if you have not seen it, take some of that precious PTO, grab a buddy and check it out. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and it was great to see our old friend Wally Champ back in American Eagle gear. Brought a tear to my eye.
Other then that, spent most of my weekend working on my snow white 1995 Mazda B2300 POS, studying for finals, and trying to figure out the intricate and deeply disturbing Quickbooks 2001 program so I can retain job #32. This weekend would be much easier to recognize as a PGBCO Austin family reunion. That would include beer, lager, more beer, chips and ranch dressing...
***********UPDATE**************
Victoria's Secret has finally succombed to my evil V-Strong plot. They have redone my review and have agreed to give me more hours and that $.25 raise I so desperately need. You know what that means? Absolutely nothing. I was just happy to have won.
More to come... eventually...
Saturday, May 04, 2002
ATTENTION! ATTENTIONES! LISTEN UP!
It has come to my attention as of last night that the number of jobs that I have entertained has come into question. So, to ease the troubled minds of my colleagues, I will disperse with the list, starting from first job to current and others that I am still working whether it be part time or seasonal. I will list the jobs in order, however, I will not count jobs that I have gone back to. Ready? I will unravel the mystery of my employment starting with:
Showplace 6
Target
Discovery Zone
WaldenBooks
Spencer Gifts
Things Remembered
Lakeline Mall Cinema
The Mafia (in which the mob stocked the trunk of my car with stolen merchandise and demanded that I sell it door to door at places that had the sign out front saying NO SOLICITING!)
AAA News (a polite way of saying a porn shack)
J&B Collectibles (one of the stores in the mall that closed after the first year)
Great Hills Cinema (remember that one?)
Sprint Relay Texas (where my hatred of taking inbound calls began)
Northcross Cinema
Unisys
K.B. Toys
TNRCC
Longhorn Temp Services (AusTaco, the place that performs the payroll operation for the employees of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pizza Hut, and of course, Taco Bell)
Cost Cutters (Receptionist... hahahahahahahaha!! Ain't life grand?!)
AT&T Wireless Services
Dial America (you know, the people that call to remind you that your subscription is up on certain magazines such as Home and Garden and Maxim?)
Albertsons (I became a baker for awhile, you know)
United Heritage Federal Credit Union
OfficeMax
Chelsea Street Pub and Grill (where I used to perform nightly, the classic Taco song, "Puttin on the Ritz")
Nigthmare Factory (which is a seasonal job and one of my all time favorites)
Dell Financial Services
Victoria's Secret (oh yeah, they let me in there)
Pond Springs Elementary School (teach kids during the day, hang bras and panties by night, I'm a regular superhero)
Department of Information Resources
Barton Creek Country Club
Texas Criminal Defense Lawyers Assocation
That about does it. If you have any questions or concerns regarding my employment history I suggest you piss off. More to come...
Thursday, May 02, 2002
Job # 78: Texas Criminal Defense Lawyer's Association
Well, the good thing about this job is that it pays pretty well. Bad part of the job is that the people that were my predecessors left the office in such a state of disarray that I pretty much have to start the entire file system over from scratch and I have to be careful about the workload they give me, they've already axed my previous boss. At least I get her office now!
Oh yeah, and the other bad part of the job is that the office (a renovated home) is located downtown on 13th street... not a bad location, always something happening down here, the drawback that I'm so slowly coming to is that the A/C in my 1995 snow white Mazda B2300 POS has gone out, and the damn heat wave has hit. So I'm left sitting in rush hour traffic in a hot box of a truck, sweating bullets, and hoping that the oscillating fan I have so elegantly clipped to my dashboard which does nothing but blow hot air in my face, doesn't catch on fire and kill me.
You gotta love it.
Job # 77A is still under scrutiny by the head office and is being investigated. For those of you who don't know what job #77A is, it's working at Victoria's Secret. Yes, I sweat during the day and hang bra's by night.
More to come...
